Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
4/27/13
4:48 AM
the full moon brings out the crazies.
I'm so tired I don't know why I'm writing, but i do.
I just don't want to tell you.
So I'll just rant until the xanex kicks in and then
I'll probably just rant for a little longer
but non of it will make sense.
or maybe it will make more sense. hmm
happiness is so hard to find. people are deceitful and I'm too trusting
just thinking about this stuff is making me upset so I'm just going to leave it at that.
fuck you
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
1/10/13
1:28 AM
Alright, So.
New year, new me.
I've picked up Yoga again and went back to Pole dancing classes
and want to keep it up. I've limited myself to three cigarettes a day.
No booze or weed. I got this app that calculates my intake of food and exercise which will hopefully help me loose 15 pounds.
As of right now I'm over boys but not shutting them out. Just opening myself up to the universe. Going to be more picky about who I let into my life and who can stay there.
I want to put all my focus on school and living a better life.
Hopefully this will last more than a week. Let's hope so.
I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for as soon as possible to get my stomach checked out and an appointment to the gyno. Just trying to get my body right.
I'm going to remember to take my meds regularly so I don't bust down in an episode or see shit that's not there. awesome
wish me luck
I had an incredible mind fuck yesterday at work while talking to a co worker and she just opened my eyes to why I want/date the guys that I do.
Why I don't deal with emotions or affection
Growing up I had some what typical Asian parents and had to work for any attention or affection. It didn't come free. So when it comes to men, I tend to be attracted to the ones that are aloof and don't give me the time of day. That wanting to work for their attention is what I'm use to. For every guy that blows me off or aren't intrigued with me, theres a part of me that needs to have their approval. Theres that insatiable need for me to work for their affection or attention. When someone does give me affection without me having to earn it, I get very turned off and think that there is something wrong with them. Their "free" affection weirds me out and makes me very uncomfortable, because that's not something I'm use to. So here I am, feeling like a bitch because there were the few guys that gave me "free" affection and I blew them off because I didn't know what to do with that, and I'm here to say I'm sorry. It's wasn't you, It was me.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
3:29 AM
Today i learned so much about myself with the help of my co worker Lauren. I need to be sober to write this all down so soon my friends, be prepared to have your mind blowned.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/3/12
11:07 PM
Drowning out all my thoughts with t.v. shows and brownies
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
9/27/12
9:00 PM
Dollars and cents. Currency. Dollars have the same value. Gather enough cents it makes the value of a dollar. It's the same, but different. It's obvious that people prefer the paper, it's more convenient, it's just more convenient...
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
9/25/12
10:17 PM
I've never hurt this bad in my life.
I feel as if though I'm feeling both of our pain.
I don't think I will ever recover from this.
