Epiphany-it's just my opinion
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/21/10 10:26 PM
About....
sex- At the gym, with chelsea handler's advice in one hand and tyler perry's "why did we get married" in the other, i started to think about sex. Tyler perry kind of put things in perspective to me. Sex is intimate, i know that sounds really obvious but i didn't quite get that through my thick head till now. Instead of giving my virginity like spare change, i actually want to give it to someone that like me, like likes me likes me, and im okay with them seeing me in such a vulnerable state. i really cant imagine anything more vulnerable than sex, especially the first time. Letting someone see you completely naked, no clothe to hide behind and no distance for safety and letting them inside of you- literally. i don't think i could be able to do that with someone i didnt trust. On the other hand, Chelsea Handler talking about masturbating and what not gave me a different point of view, feeding my id limitlessly and to go after guy to the next guy seemed like an okay way to. But the problem with that is always having to be in control so you wont get hurt, and that could be very tiring and hard. So as of right now i'm going to abstain, until i have a better reason to give it up. my mommy would be proud :)
Appreciation- my mom and dad would be very very very wealthy people if they didnt have kids. Me, being the fuck up in the family tend to be the one that sucks all of their hard earned money out of their wallets and into my art that is really not worth investing in and all my weird eating and daily habits.But for some odd reason they believe in me and that just blows my mind. Granted it took a couple suicide attempts and countless yelling matches, but Im here now. And i may not understand the unconditional love that my parents have for me, but i'm learning to accept it. I really don't feel worthy of anything but they believe in me. thats why they yell and nag because they know i'm worth something. it's weird but i think this is growing up.
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