Crystal Meth Kim

i think i get the loneliest when im awake in the wee hours of the morning, knowing that half the world is asleep, escaping reality for a few hours, or dreaming of their loved ones, or just something silly like sheep hopping fences.. but i'm here, rooted too firmly into the world, where i can't even use my sleep time to get away for just a second, because my mind is constantly working, conjuring up dreams that are so vivid and real that when i wake up. it's like i didn't sleep at all. My conversations with people become confusing because i don't know if what i was thinking really happened or not....

i thought about how it would feel like to have a gun to my head. like really really thought about it, and what shocked me was that it scared me. i can honestly say that i am not afraid of death, i'm afraid of what comes after. the unknown.. it's scary, it's hands down the biggest reason for my second guessing when it comes to death. I don't exactly want to be condemned to hell, the reason being, i feel like i've been living in a mini hell right now, so i wouldn't be able to take a real hell. I mean the whole point of dying is to get away from life right? I just need a place to rest. I have the numbers for the mental doctor, but i haven't called, i guess i can say that i might be afraid of getting help, and i love basking in misery, but as much as i love it, it's killing me quite quickly may i add. but yeah, a shooting myself is not an option... to messy....

i feel like i need to draw but i'm cold, and mentally tired. so heres to the internal struggle i have to make mends with. Shall i conquer another side to my drawing, or shall I dream my self into another reality!? the choice is up to YOU!