Recently, I've been ending a lot of relationships and I think it's for the better.
It's kind of like sorting out my closet, throwing out all the trendy shit that I can't keep for long and just keeping the staple items that I will have for a long time. Same goes with friends. I'm done with relationships/ friendships/ intimate ties that don't have substance. I use to be able to be satisfied with temporary and fleeting relationships but now, I just want stability. Ever since my last episode and the doubling of my medication.. something has changed inside me. It's not the same anymore. I'm different. The way I think, the way I act. Reasoning is slowly taking over my thought process, which is weird, because I usually act on my emotions and think about the consequences afterwards. The Devil and God are raging inside me. word.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/27/11
1:16 AM
Am I really that unloveable?
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/17/11
2:13 PM
GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU
So very infatuated, don't know what to do with myself.
Obsess obsess obsess
that's all i have time for and that's all i need
just give me that lust that i long for
breathe down my neck, bite me, make me want you
tell me lies and wind me up make me fall for your lies
break my heart, break my heart.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
2:35 PM
I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours at all
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is it a crime, am I overreacting
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
So what you had didn't fit
Among the pretty things
Never fear, never fear
I now know where you've been
Braids have been un-tied
As ribbons fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you'll taste
Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream or is this my lesson
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
I don't believe I'll be alright
I don't believe I'll be OK
I don't believe how you've thrown me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
Oh my permission to sin
You might have started my reckoning
I've got a reason now to bury him alive
Another little white lie
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
4:44 AM
my life is totally insane
no sleep, no problem
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/14/11
5:36 PM
EVERYTHING Is a lie, starting from scratch.
death and it's permanency has finally settled in,
i have never wanted to die, i just wanted all the pain to go away
please stop caring about me, it's just easier that way.
let me do this on my own, i will find my own person in this misery
I will reconstruct my life and sort out the truth from the lies from my past
no more bull shit, i need to be better so I can go back to Chicago
I need to get better... and I will, I don't need your support
because all of you lie.
just stay away from me
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
9/1/11
9:39 PM
You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love
When you was just a young’un you’re looks but so precious
But now your grown up
So fly its like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder
For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love
You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault
Wasn’t in your intentions
You the one here talking to me
You don’t wanna listen
But I admire your poppin bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don’t be mad
Nobody else trippin
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook
Oooh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeah
And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual
You see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
8/22/11
4:14 AM
mommy and daddy,
i honestly could write this letter out of spite and anger but i don't want my last words to you to be out of hate because i honestly have more love for you than anything else. i must say that you guys have messed me up so badly that i couldn't even function in society, but i learned to hide my true self and be what they want me to be. you guys never accepted me for me and it honestly killed me every single day. the worst thing for a child, in my opinion, is not having the approval of their parents and not making their parents proud. i wanted nothing more in my whole entire life than for you guys to look at who i truly and and be proud. my piercings, tattoos, weird hair color and all. it just killed me that you couldn't look past all the superficial qualities that i possessed and see everything i accomplished. dont get me wrong, you guys provided me with everything single thing i needed except for emotional support.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
3:56 AM
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
2:09 AM
when youre feeling really suicidal again?
i don't know but im scared.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
7/5/11
10:22 AM
EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHINGFUCK EVERYTHING THE END
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/28/11
11:12 PM
writing my feelings down means dealing with them
honestly, im too tired and uninspired to write them down
so i won't, just know that im hurting but im so numb i can't feel it.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/23/11
1:32 PM
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
9:59 AM
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/21/11
2:55 PM
in a bit of a pickle
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/20/11
9:04 PM
let's hold on
let's try this out
but i'm going to fuck this up
i know i will
and i apologize
ahead of time
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/16/11
9:19 PM
you're getting weary of me
i can tell, it's a sick six sense
the time has gone, our time has pass
just like a minuete, hour or day
just like the sunsets its all really
inevitable
i must say it was nice while it lasted,
but you're a cancer and i, a Sagittarius
we were not meant to be
according to the stars and the sky
i am not snow white by any means
and you are no prince charming
so this is when our tale comes to a halt
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/15/11
10:51 PM
Everyone leaves.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
6/14/11
12:06 AM
and we went to the marina.....
it's been an interesting week
let's keep it that way.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
4/19/11
4:00 PM
and it never will
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
4/5/11
9:44 PM
i want you to want me
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
4/3/11
4:34 AM
I wanna hear your voice but I don't want you to call
I wanna see you, girl, but not see you at all
I wanna make up, but I still want to fight
I wanted to break up but it just don't feel right
(Sitting here waiting on you)
I hate you, you hate me. But still can't escape "we"
And all the bullshit we've been going through lately
Heartbroke, Lovesturck, telling ya'll, "It ain't me"
Life without you, girl, is something that I can't see
I ain't gon' lie, say, "I don't get lonely"
But if only so much, I could kick it with the homies
And somebody told me that you already moved on
I broke up with you, you ain't supposed to get your groove on!
Not now, at least wait a couple weeks
Got me looking like a chump with my business in the streets
Been a couple weeks, but it feel like you still there
No matter how I clean, I'm still finding your hair
Or some shit you forgot, or I'm standing in that spot
Where you came so hard, I didn't think that you would stop
But, quiet as I step, I know you miss me just a little
Washed my sheets when you left but still smell you on my pillow
And everything I do, it reminds me of you
And everything I see, it reminds me of "we"
And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us
Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up
You ain't call me last night, what you trying to be? Strong?
You'll call yourself stupid when you finally hear this song
'Cause I would've took you back, I was waiting to, infact
All you had to do was holler, girl, I would've just collapsed
And fell into a trap and started to relapse
And your ass never called so it just never happened
Now I'm thinking Jasmine, Tanya, Cheraine
Some ex's I can call that'll probably ease the pain
I tried to follow through, but I wound up calling you
Hanging up before a ring, girl, it's really all on you
But you wanna get into it, make me mad, push my buttons
Got us tripping over little stuff that don't mean nothing
I'm sick of the suffering, the fighting, the fussing
What happened to the love in the late night discussions
'Bout children, and family, the future, the plan
And now it's all over 'cause you couldn't understand me
Thought I'm missing you again last night
'Til I remembered all the reasons that your ass left a fight
It's like, dude, I really wanted this to work
But you had to get your shit together first,
and what's worse, I really wanted you to stay
but I needed you to leave 'cause we was fighting everyday
All right, not everyday, I know that's a lot on it
We was supposed to be companions, but we was more like opponents
Don't this song make you wanna do it one more time?
Could I still be the only dude that's on your mind?
I'm too proud to beg, but I'm hoping that you not
I would take you back quick, girl, without a second thought
But I'm caught up in my pride and I can't make the call
Didn't want to break up, just a break, that's all
It's been a long time, I know I probably shouldn't have left you
'Cause your the only woman that I wanna sleep next to
You say you're sick of me and I say I'm sick of you
But we crazy 'bout eachother, girl, what we gon' do?
Said I needed you to leave, but I hate to see you go
Can't make up my mind, girl, I just don't know
I wanna make this work but I'm sick of the struggle
Girl, what I gotta do to make you realize I love you?
I ain't gon' lie, sometimes I just don't feel you
But find another man, and I just might kill you
(Sitting here waiting on you)
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
3/24/11
11:48 PM
hello world,
a boy would be nice right about now
so i dont feel so lonely right now.
okay thanks
bye
