Today my knee acted up and I had to go home early
and i slept all day and ran random errands
My ear hasnt healed so I have decided to take my earring out
Another piercing closed fml fml fml
just kidding, kinda
I am kind of excited for prom?
I honestly just want to dress up
and i need a job pretty badly
I love alexander wang
oh so much, his silhouettes are brilliant
and i want to get my hands on all of them!
but im not rich and all his stuff is expensive
One day, one day, one day,
I need a job now that raging waters isn't working out
hopefully Victoria's secret will work out.
Brea mall, c'monn!
fashion toast
Once upon a time
i was happy with my hair
Sasha Grey is my favorite porn star
I just feel really alone right now.
like no one is thinking of me at this very moment
like if i were to die, no one would notice my soul leaving this earth
no one to bid me a farewell
I envy those who know how to open up their hearts
and let someone in to love them
i'm sure they don't feel as lonely as I do.
sure they have the bigger chance of getting hurt
but they also have to bigger chance of experiencing happiness.
lucky bitches.
What sucks is that I don't even have anyone to crush on right now.
I'm that alone.
I don't have anyone to think of and hope their thinking of me
I have no heart
I don't even think puppies are cute anymore.
I feel sick, weak and alone.
Hello, alone
Hello alone.
Is anyone out there?...
Today was a good day
I didn't feel like an option
i felt like the option
My heart doesn't ache tonight
so good night and farewell
I am the queen of sloppy seconds, I will never be good enough to be wanted.
Today i tried to dye my hair a lavender, grey and it failed miserably,
now i'm stuck with gross mangy hair!
anyway i finally got a normal prom date and i'm actually really happy!
(desertfox)
Greetings my few but hopefully loyal readers!
here are a few updates on my life.
1.) New template for my blog!
3.) I think I will be going to Chicago for college!
5.) I got back into smoking. did you know that if a girl smokes Marlboro Reds they DGAF?
7.) I fucked up my chances of going to Maryland
9.) I might not be going to prom!
My usual retail therapy hasn't been working because there's nothing worth buying and that really really pisses me off. I mean you drive to a mall to buy useless shit but you can't find anything worth spending you're money on, I mean c'mon! Anyway no boy that I think is snazzy wants to take me to prom, I mean I should be grateful I have a date but I know I won't have fun with him. It's not that I don't want to go to prom, I just want to get nice shoes, and makeup and look really really classy! FUCCK ALL OF THIS
I'm having the biggest problem with my self esteem at the moment
I feel as if I'm not worthy of anyone's time or money for that matter
Prom is really draining me and I'm done. I don't want to go.
I'm done whoring myself out, i feel like shit, no less than that
I'm getting depressed again and i don't know how to deal with all of it
Am I that disgusting and weird?
why did i quit smoking?!
I'm cranky and irritable and i have been eating alot more
FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK COLLEGE FUCK BOYS FUCK PROM
You're the gambler, I'm the scientist, I can't change.Most heart breaking scene ever.
LET'S HAVE SEX!
No really though... anyway this week as been very very draining.
not wanting to wake up in the morning, frustrated that I have to be
in class when we do absolutely nothing worth while
paranoid as hell that everyone things i'm weird
yada yada yada..
My medication stabilizes me.
When I stop taking my meds I turn crazy again.
I forgot to take them for one day, both my night and day pill
and the suicidal thoughts came racing back.
It's amazing what two little pills can do to a body.
simply amazing.
Today i sat with zarina at in n out and talked about
well everything
and when i said that my meds have subsided my suicidal thoughts
she was so happy and that really confused me
she said that i really worried her
what a silly girl
well turns out that at this moment
i would very much like to call it quits,
my head is spinning and im eating
and hurting, and tired of whoring myself out for a prom date
The fact that i dont have a prom date means that i am not attractive enough to have one
i am akward so i dont have one
all in all i don't matter to any boy at my school to take me
I guess i'll just have to get over it. boo whoo
I tried making a dress today and failed miserably
i cant bring my self to draw or paint
and i want to buy stuff but there isnt anything worth buying.
i love lady gaga so much, oh so much
hello stranger
i think i fell in love with you
the pure fact that i know nothing about you
the fact that you could be more than a mere human being
makes me love you
I want all of you.
I want none of you
the distance between us is alluring
but i don't dare cross the line,
i don't want to know anything about you.
ignorance is bliss
ignorance is pure bliss
]
I don't even know who i am anymore.
I DonNt Know WhO I Am AnYmoRE
I dont knowz who i is anymorez
i am no longer who i am
my morals completely re arranged
my perspective totally skewed
who have i become
who am i now?
who will i be
this is my identity crisis.
There is no part of my body that isn't sore
WHAT THE FUCK GOD!?
I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL I REALLLLY REALLLY DON'T
I've been trying to understand you for the longest time and YOU ABANDONED ME
WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST YOU LEFT ME. You're "disciples" are a piece of SHIT
WHAT KIND OF PASTOR ABANDONS A CHILD AT THEIR MOST VULNERABLE TIME
when i was about to make it or break it, lost and confused YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME
I was fragile and i needed guidance YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME
Me in a sinking boat, in a storm, in a brutal storm, you said look for the light in the mess, You said to that you were there in the wake of the storm, and i was drowning, i was getting whip lash from the brutal waves, and drenched in the rain, She said that maybe you were the boat in all this, all i can say is that you were a shitty boat, I WOULD RATHER HAVE DROWNED THAN BE PUT THROUGH ALL OF THAT, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH HELL FOR 4 YEARS ALONE ALL FUCKING ALONE, I dont think anyone that i know, knows what it feels like to not have ANYONE to talk to about the voices, and visions that insisted on haunting me every single day, telling me that i was never good enough, and i would never amount to anything. BUT NO, YOU SHOW UP TO PEOPLE THAT ARE ALREADY GENUINELY HAPPY.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU, WHAT ABOUT ME. WHEN DO MY WOUNDS GET TO HEAL
WHEN DO I GET MY REST IN YOURE ARMS RATHER THAN BEING YOUR FOOT STOOL.
I dont want to be stepped on anymore, I CANT EVEN BE HAPPY FOR ANYONE THAT GETS TO KNOW YOU I WANT TO BE HAPPY FOR HER BUT I CANT BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Lucifer seems to have been a better father to me than you have, At least he was consistent in torturing me. I found a home in all the madness and depression. so HELP ME SEE PAST ALL OF THIS SHIT, BECAUSE MY EYES ARE PRETTY GOD DAMN CLOUDED BY ALL THE SHIT THAT'S BEEN IN MY LIFE.
Every earthquake that hits i know that its closer to the end of the world and i pray and then i remember you don't love me, you don't care about me. You left me when i needed you. It sucks that i can't put my trust in you because i need you. now in destined to hell and im scared but too hurt to ever trust again
This weekend i spent it watching the proposal, bones, makeup tutorials and making clothing
i made a scoodie cat style and a tube top and 2 skirts, I'm on a roll!
sorry for the lack of updates, i haven't been feeling it, naw mean
well tomorrow is the official start of SPRING BREAK!
heres my schedule por the week!
Monday- Shopping for swim suit!
Tuesday- Snowboarding!
Wednesday- Beach!
Thursday- Shopping for kinky clothing ;)
Friday- Maybe warped tour opening party and key club with Z
I can't wait, i can't wait!
I need more money -_____- i need my job to start sooner
and i want a boy to talk to, my texts are going to waste,
i need more entertainment in my life.
eh my life is so drab and i need my college letters to come in, it's ridiculous how long i've been waiting. AKJ:FLWKJNEBCONXDFKXDLNS:KXWE
CNMC$NREXIOTWMT)*N)
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