WHAT THE FUCK
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 4/5/10 12:22 AM
WHAT THE FUCK GOD!?
I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL I REALLLLY REALLLY DON'T
I've been trying to understand you for the longest time and YOU ABANDONED ME
WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST YOU LEFT ME. You're "disciples" are a piece of SHIT
WHAT KIND OF PASTOR ABANDONS A CHILD AT THEIR MOST VULNERABLE TIME
when i was about to make it or break it, lost and confused YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME
I was fragile and i needed guidance YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME
Me in a sinking boat, in a storm, in a brutal storm, you said look for the light in the mess, You said to that you were there in the wake of the storm, and i was drowning, i was getting whip lash from the brutal waves, and drenched in the rain, She said that maybe you were the boat in all this, all i can say is that you were a shitty boat, I WOULD RATHER HAVE DROWNED THAN BE PUT THROUGH ALL OF THAT, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH HELL FOR 4 YEARS ALONE ALL FUCKING ALONE, I dont think anyone that i know, knows what it feels like to not have ANYONE to talk to about the voices, and visions that insisted on haunting me every single day, telling me that i was never good enough, and i would never amount to anything. BUT NO, YOU SHOW UP TO PEOPLE THAT ARE ALREADY GENUINELY HAPPY.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU, WHAT ABOUT ME. WHEN DO MY WOUNDS GET TO HEAL
WHEN DO I GET MY REST IN YOURE ARMS RATHER THAN BEING YOUR FOOT STOOL.
I dont want to be stepped on anymore, I CANT EVEN BE HAPPY FOR ANYONE THAT GETS TO KNOW YOU I WANT TO BE HAPPY FOR HER BUT I CANT BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Lucifer seems to have been a better father to me than you have, At least he was consistent in torturing me. I found a home in all the madness and depression. so HELP ME SEE PAST ALL OF THIS SHIT, BECAUSE MY EYES ARE PRETTY GOD DAMN CLOUDED BY ALL THE SHIT THAT'S BEEN IN MY LIFE.
Every earthquake that hits i know that its closer to the end of the world and i pray and then i remember you don't love me, you don't care about me. You left me when i needed you. It sucks that i can't put my trust in you because i need you. now in destined to hell and im scared but too hurt to ever trust again
i think at the end of the day, it goes to what church you go to and who you trust. I mean when i went to FCBC (sorry, fcbc-ers) but i didnt like it. To me, the pastors werent up to par and the people there were simply...just...eh. LOL but when i went to CCCV, it was like an entirely different aspect. I'm still new to this thing called "being a disciple" since IM opinionated as HECK, but im willing to try and keep an open mind about things He's teaching in his Bible.
SO, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY AND NOT FEARING GOING BACK TO CHURCH, i wanna bring u to CCCV!!! its so pretty and really cool there!
JUSTLEMMEKNOW.
AND NO I WILL NOT TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE M&M DISPENSERS. DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT A G THANG.