its getting lonely
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/30/10 7:14 PM
ew
|
0
comments
I cant keep up!
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/26/10 5:39 PM
(jakandkil and lookbook)
I have pictures of my out fits this week but i don't wanna upload them
im running on caffeine right now; my body exhausted and my mind just running
We enter and leave the world alone.
Its out of our power
So the time we have on earth is so precious
So the desperation to find someone to be with is prominent
and in our faces everyday
I guess the people that realize that are the ones who try the hardest
Those are the ones that always need to be with somebody
Does death scare them so much that they need someones company
that every moment alone makes them face the reality that in the end
we. will. be. alone
so my point is. we will ultimately be alone.
so find someone that matters to you.
someone that brings out the best in you.
the one you don't ever have to impress
and the one that tells you your thighs are fucking sexy
even though you think they look like logs
on another note
i'm having major body issues
eating less in hopes that my body will start eating away at my fat
exercising everyday is really exhausting especially when i dont eat alot
but every single day i see skinny Asian girls
and it's a constant reminder that i will never be petite
and it kills me. i want to be skinny
i want to my kind to want me and not refer to me as
thick or big boned. fuck that
fuck everything
If i ever feel better
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/24/10 6:56 PM
(jacket- urban out fitters, romper- urban outfitters, tights-rodarte for target, necklace- obey, shoes- some korean store)
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't ewait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Epiphany-it's just my opinion
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/21/10 10:26 PM
About....
sex- At the gym, with chelsea handler's advice in one hand and tyler perry's "why did we get married" in the other, i started to think about sex. Tyler perry kind of put things in perspective to me. Sex is intimate, i know that sounds really obvious but i didn't quite get that through my thick head till now. Instead of giving my virginity like spare change, i actually want to give it to someone that like me, like likes me likes me, and im okay with them seeing me in such a vulnerable state. i really cant imagine anything more vulnerable than sex, especially the first time. Letting someone see you completely naked, no clothe to hide behind and no distance for safety and letting them inside of you- literally. i don't think i could be able to do that with someone i didnt trust. On the other hand, Chelsea Handler talking about masturbating and what not gave me a different point of view, feeding my id limitlessly and to go after guy to the next guy seemed like an okay way to. But the problem with that is always having to be in control so you wont get hurt, and that could be very tiring and hard. So as of right now i'm going to abstain, until i have a better reason to give it up. my mommy would be proud :)
Appreciation- my mom and dad would be very very very wealthy people if they didnt have kids. Me, being the fuck up in the family tend to be the one that sucks all of their hard earned money out of their wallets and into my art that is really not worth investing in and all my weird eating and daily habits.But for some odd reason they believe in me and that just blows my mind. Granted it took a couple suicide attempts and countless yelling matches, but Im here now. And i may not understand the unconditional love that my parents have for me, but i'm learning to accept it. I really don't feel worthy of anything but they believe in me. thats why they yell and nag because they know i'm worth something. it's weird but i think this is growing up.
I am not a color person
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio 6:21 PM
-010404.jpg)
Dear Studio Art AP,
I am not a color person, I'm only mediocre in black and white drawings, what the hell makes you think i can pull 24 art pieces out of my ass by april, and heres the biggest complaint, some of them have to be in color. Most of my ideas in my head are in color, but i cant execute them for the life of me. I stink at putting colors together and even more shading with color, i just can't do it. I wish life were in balck and white....
my concentration is perspective on women so far i have the following done
-bride of Frankenstein refined into a beauty queen
-3 perspective self portrait
-Fat women bound by chains
-Figure drawing of a women as is
-Angelina Jolie Puckering her luscious lips and being silly
- Angry Asian Mom
Pending ideas
-Half Barbies face/half allie zell's face
-Mother Nature/ flower in hair ect
-girl looking in the mirror and sees herself as a fat cow, literally
-A drag queen that says Women underneath
- an hour glass with a female dogs head, a pussy cat where the groin is at, a banner that goes around the hour glass with the words property on it and road for legs
- and elderly women looking beautiful
- horrifyingly ugly girl
Notice how the pending list is soo much longer than the completed list
work work work
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE
i stayed awake till the wee hours of the morning just thinking about how horrible getting rejected to MICA, Rhode Island, and SVA is going to be. I don't deal with rejection very well.
manic state: hysterically pissed off
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/20/10 3:49 PM
I am so extremely pissed off at the moment.
My hair is a wreck,not even a hot mess but a total disaster
I went into the hair salon wanting to dye my hair light blond/brown
and came out with tips curled and fob highlights and about one pound less of hair
I am wildly pissed off and on the verge of tears
if i knew how to cry i would
just have to keep telling myself hair grows
hair grows
FUCK THAT IM SO PISSED
Seriously
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/18/10 8:23 PM
I, crystal kim, seriously don't feel like doing anything.
i feel angry because it's so damn hot and i don't want to do anything
i should be doing many things, but here i am, doing absolutely nothing
here are some pictures i thought were just oh so dandy
enjoyz
this is me
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/16/10 11:18 PM
My perception on dating boys (not that you care)
- I won't have sex with you so don't even try
- I am okay with you having sex with another girl as long as you tell me before hand
- Just because I won't have sex with you doesn't mean I'm a prude
- You need to be able to deal with my crazy, if me constantly saying that i want to kill myself freaks you out, then wither get use to it or go tell me to stfu.
- Have a sense of humor, I constantly make fun of myself so if I make fun of you GET OVER IT, and DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
- Don't make any future plans with me, it freaks me out. i don't plan to live past 22.
- Be spontaneous! no plans, the more fun it is!
- Be Brutally honest with me, i like it like that ;)
- I love witty conversations so keep up, i am known to be a "word player"
- be the boy. i like to be man handled hehe
Bitch and rant #1
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/15/10 9:44 PM
I am so uninspired right now. No one, nothing, as of right now is making me want to create anything. Especially myself. I need to find myself a muse but it seems like everything and everyone has told their or its story over and over again, and nothing strikes me as new and fre$h. or maybe it's the fact that i cant lift my pencil or paintbrush without creating shit work and all i want to do is doodle and not work on my concentration even though im terribly fucked over because i have to somehow whip 8 pieces out of my ass before april FUCK.anyway let me talk to you about my inner and most intimate details about SEX. yes sex, it seems like that shit is haunting me. I mean there's one side of me that wants it ever so badly, but one part that says i should continue to save myself. But i have signed my virginity to a perfect boy and this even should commence in the summer sometime sigh, i really don't care about myself enough to stop it if i wanted. I just dont care about myself. I smoke wayy tooo muchhhh and i really don't give a fuck, I only go to the gym because i care about how people see me. But personally i would just like to kill myself now. Just knowing that i have to live with being bipolar for the rest of my life really really really sucks, but that's just me of course. I don't want to have babies, I don't want to fall in love. I don't want to feel. Everything is temporary and fleeting so i want to die. Enough is enough. I dont think its much to I AM FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW.
the end
Cant get enough of this feeling
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio 8:34 PM
that i'll be the one to save you.
If you are superman
then i am bystander number three
if you are the roots of the tree
i am color pigmentation in the bark
if you are what a human being should strive to be
then i am what simply not a human
standing by your perfection can be quite intimidating
but the sheer fact that you're my friend blows my mind
you are probably the closest thing to perfection i will be next to
but i'm kind of scared cus i tend to fuck things up pretty badly
so ill just play my part as bystander number three
and just hope that when you whiz by, you'll accidentally bump into me
and i can tell tales of a exaggerated version of the truth
bum bum buumm
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/14/10 10:29 AM
yesterday was an interesting night
i cant say i enjoyed most of it
but none the less i got the
kiss
iv'e been waiting for a while
amongst others i haven't been waiting for
but i'm not complaining.
my soul is dead y'all
my soul is dead
I really dislike it when people say i hate walnut
but the fact of the matter is that walnut is my home
i had my worst and best moments with the people ive lived here with
and i wouldn't change that
i know i'm full of " if i lived heres and i need to get out of here"
but ill always end up coming home
I would go lesbian for you lady gaga
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/11/10 8:49 PM
I am a an insomniac by night
I am a suicidal thinking psycho path by night
I am I am crazy crazy crazy
Both I wish i were skinny
i don't know what i'm writing
so don't mind don't mind don't mind
Too many
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/10/10 11:19 PM
i am a notorious chain smoker
and today i pushed my self to the limit
in the spand of 5 minuetes
i smoked 5 cigarettes
i feel like throwing up
or maybe it was because of that nasty mcdonalds frappe
and who the fuck came up with those names?
i feel so stupid ordering one of those
i bet the guy behind the window is laughing at me
struggling to say the stupid name of the stupid drink
well i feel like throwing up
and light headed
and angry that im still alive
Crystal!
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio 10:07 PM
Josh- what if we were at a movie and i started crying
Crystal- I'd leave you.
AHAHAHAH
i's so heartless
so today
i
wanted to die
the end
Silima
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/9/10 7:14 PM
Silima thats my name in Elvish :)
So i wish i was a twin, that would be awesome
and i wish i was blonde and tall and skinny and pretty
but i dont think thats something thats going to happen anytime soon
so i'll just resort to this blog to rant and rant and rant
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in.
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/8/10 4:59 PM
Blah blah blah,
the weather is just so lovely....
just lovely,
wheres a kite when you need one.
i will welcome the wind and the clouds with open arms
then scowl when it actually starts to rain
sigh what a day, what a life
Inside my headd Meerely Doodles! Dont Judge
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 3/6/10 9:42 PM
Merely a doodle
I love how the shape is so organic..
Fvaux
Fairy tale
Riding organically
I think i willl
Youre shadows going down the drain
Future tattoo perhaps?
David Medina in STOP MOVING
Graffiti Phase GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS
Humming bird turning into a fish and a beetle juice!
It's the angle of the camera =/
Hand Motions
mesh mesh mesh
My soon to be brush!
Boobies boobies i love boobies
Dress i never finsihed making and L.L. <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNSMQOmg3WvVK7JiFlF7xcWVSG40GTM6VOWyq1rXc90ltfuNXuJ8mhak2xmAcbdVBdPW0S5d0NLqVvxLzFonYOcBfEldd3foUdt1SIqr4cnbvebekP2NQj2iyUC9ff4WcJg-Jt96JzRhIx/s1600-h/2010-03-06+21.35.35.jpg">
Travis McCoy and Katy Perry Keesssinng!
Dear mother,
you cry every time you think about how much im hurting, and it breaks my heart. don't you know that it's a little too late? You're intentions are clear and humble, but it won't change a thing, mommy dearest, it won't change a thing.
On a side note, I've been busy busy busy
I need to catch up on school work
Finish sketches for Chrystle Vitas dresses
Make an Album Cover for Phantom Thrett (go check out his stuff)
Sort out all the knooks and crannies in my head
And decide whether I what i want to do on my panel
either lady gaga and words next to her saying "this is what freedom is"
or a death god wearing me as a neclace made out of chains
decisions decisons help would be nice to those who actually read this blog ? :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
