The signs are quite noticeable and i refuse to go back to where i was. I will not, i worked so hard to get to a place of tranquility and i refuse to give that up. But to be honest, it feel like an old friend is visiting, i know its way, i know that general out come of it's presence. It's familiar.
i am numb right now, and that is just one step closer, so please keep me occupied. i am scared, i'm not going to lie, so please.
on the other hand i finished my case.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/29/09
4:55 PM
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35477262&ref=sr_gallery_2&&ga_search_query=sideways+cross+necklace&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title
i want i want i want!
$41.00 will gett!
Is it weird that i am severly obsessed with Daul Kim.
I so badly want to know what was going on in her head
its on the borderline of desperation.
i googled her about 20 times in the past 3 days
looking for signs, looking for anything
i want to be in her head
its ridiculous
the scenery that I've seen so many times, now look totally unfamiliar
things that ususally bring me happiness no longer produce the feeling that i want, no need
i feel so empty, i feel almost sad.
i smile, isn't that suppose to bring happiness?
if so, why am i so indifferent
I want to draw so badly but i have no patience for anything anymore
it's all about instant gratification
after i get my half assed satisfaction, now what
i'm still left with a giant void
i can't even freely write because i know that you're watching. and you'll just assume that i'm not okay.
i don't know how i feel about him
lately i have been thinking less about him
so i won't question it or argue with it
i'll just let it be
it's safer that way
"dont people understand /last stages/are/more/calm?/do you really think/im happy ?"- Daul Kim
I really wish i got a chance to read Daul's blog,
I want to know what's in her head, I want to know what was the trigger for her decision i want to see the signs she left for her bloggers, i want to know her every thought, every move, anything to help me get into that gorgeous mind of hers. I want to say that i can relate, but that would just be crazy talk now wouldn't it?
Mark My Words, I will grow out my hair, make it strong and healthy, and then, dye it platinum blonde like Daul Kim's hair, a tribute to the strongest women ever.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
2:53 PM
i got my hair done today, and i wanted to go blonde, like always and it reminded me of Daul Kim. the only asian in my opnion that put other blondes to shame.
rip.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/24/09
9:03 PM
Cotton Spandex Jersey
Bandeau Pencil Dress 41$
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/23/09
8:11 PM
too many stoges
not enough stoges
too many words exchanged
not enough words exchanged
too many moments
not enough moments.
not enough of my sanity to last me
so i ask you to spare whats left of me.
please understand, please be open minded.
i beg and i beg, but nothing seems to be enough
Time apart seems the only solution
so this is it, we will wait
until i am gone, so you can be happy again.
as i will be
This is not what i want
Jasmine Green Tea
Bandanas from Marshalls
Gelato in 50 degree weather
Too many stoges to count
Heart to Hearts
Heart to Hearts
Heart to Hearts
Laughing, relating, understanding
Then Chris finally shows up, one hour and thirty minutes late.
in the course of the 15 minuets, light hearted conversation
getting home in 10 minuetes
i'm a goddess at the wheel
all in all, good good night.
Mixing mediums can be very very tricky!
felt like i was going to completely lose my mind today, so just in the knick of time, Ilani and Nico came over and we ate turkey, truffles, wafers, tangerines, goldfish, homemade kogi tacos, and water. Happy Aquarium and Youtube galore. Eric joined us and we had a worship for the god known as Chris Hon. Guitars, Spank wire, paintings, they put back all the peices i seemed to have lost throughout the course of this month. they are what held me together through this day. i am eternally grateful for the time i spend with them, i don't know what i would do without them. nom nom nom i will be dedicating most of my time to my art now. Need more portraits and need to finish my RISD app art pieces. work work work
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
12:12 PM
Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
Im sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go
Yesterday was a good day. driving into the city with my partner in crime. three epic bathroom stops with toilet seat cover in hand. Kogi Truck, Nathan's face book wife, stoges, shadow Charmeleon. Then owl. chris' bass playing, no words. no freaking words. just the emotions that swept through my body, i never wanted it to stop. but i knew that by having that moment taken away from me i would appreciate every single second of that moment. and then it ended and we bonded with people we didn't quite know that well. more stoges, pictures. then back into the suburbs. Blasting Poppy Shit through poor speakers, singing at the top of our lungs until my voice was almost done. The star giving us our greeting and our fair well. good night good night good night.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/19/09
5:49 PM
THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID:
1. i still call people caca face
2. i call my mom, mommy
3. i like to eat with my hands
THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. im going to be 18 in 3 weeks
2. body aches
3. life expeirence
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Be able to support my shopping habits in the future
2. visit Europe
3. expierience fashion week
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY":
1. i spit
2. i can be pretty heartless
3. bodily gases constantly passed
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL":
1. i care about how i look and what i wear
2. I love shopping
3. i can be really materialistic
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. pulling an all nighter with someone i like
2. fall in love
3. beerpong
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my huge as head/face
2. stubby ass legs
3.lack of confidence
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Loud as hell, especially when influenced by alcohol
2. good food
3. Respect
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1.eternal life
2.being vulnerable
3.being burried alive
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. chap stick
2. water water water
3. music/art
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. nice abs
2. defined back
3. tall
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. hip hop dancing
2. be patient
3. pay attention
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. fashion designer
2. magazine stylist
3. nurse
TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
1. I fucking love you, i consider you to be one of my closest friend and i know that you will always have my back regardless of the situation and you understand my pervertedness and i seriously love you like no other
2. i'm glad that we got close this year, you were always that funny guy at lunch but now youre someone that i can trust and i know that you will always put a smile on my face.
4. i love listening to your problems and i love how you tell me how it is and not sugar coat it. haha in someways were pretty fucking similar but were so different so it works
5. i'm sorry it's not how it use to be
6. i thought i could see myself really liking you but now i'm not sure, you're one of the most comforting people i have ever met, but i think i'll just keep thinking of you because pursuing you might result in my heart being broken forever
7. i'm truley sorry for what i did to you in the past, you were such a great friend, i didn't deserve you
8. Fuck you, you are the reason why i don't believe in that church anymore
9. You are my new role model, i love your singing,peircings, hair and swaggaa!
10 WTF go hang out with your girlfriend and leave him alone! what are you homo?!
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. have a really good sense of humor
2. call me out on my shit
3. Please have a car and drive
4. honest with everything
5. stay awake with me and talk about useless shit
6. be the man in the realtionship
7. be taller and bigger than me but not fat
8. tattoos and peircings :)
Do you have a busy weekend coming up?
mmmmmm kind of ish?
Does it make you mad when people stare?
Sometimes, i usually stare back so it's whatever
How did you get your last bruise?
water polo! or crashing into random things?
What are you doing Thursday?
THANKSGIVINGGGG!
Who is your last text message from?
Andrew Liu
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
12:00 AM
Fear holds us back from achieving our full potential. Fear of heights. Fear of the ocean. Fear of love. Fear of dying. Fear of living. Our job as humans is to allow ourselves every opportunity to learn. Learn how the sight of standing on top of a building tickles our soles and our souls. Learn how it feels to look out at the horizon and know that someone is admiring the same vast ocean you are. Learn how being vulnerable is not being weak and trusting that one person with your heart with your eyes closed shut. Learn how wasting time won’t make you live longer. Learn how to let go of everything you’re scared of and just let it be.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/18/09
8:11 PM
once my hormones settled down, I had a big epiphany, at least i think i did. I'm actually not sure at all. My eyes are dry and red from the irritating chlorine. and Iv'e already used spell check for the first sentence because i can not spell for shit. i'm annoyed by the people that usually provide my entertainment, I wonder, is this the real me. With my PMSing aside and my hormones back to normal, if it is, i guess i'll have to learn to accept it right?
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
11/17/09
9:45 PM
new day
new phone
new conversation
new perspective
first good day in a while.
new phone tomorrow, but i don't know which one to get
