Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/23/10
7:26 PM
I know my legs aren't exactly sexy, neither is my whole body
but i want to start to document my outfits. I'm going to try it out
(jacket- thrifted Dress- Rodarte for Target Socks- Korea Shoes- Urban Outfitters)
why would you tell her?
don't you understand that i would do anything to see her happy
she is fragile.
i thought it was a doctor patient confidentiality
SHES FRAGILE
shes going to think its her fault,
it's not her fault, it's not her fault
can't you see mother dearest that i am twisted in so many ways
and it's not your fault.
I love seeing people happy,
You, my friends, my family.
But the fact of the matter is,
when I start to share the dark secrets growing in my head
they get sad, because they care. you care so much
so i can't let you be sad, i can't let them care.
cus i love them so much, i love you so much
so in order for you to be happy, i must leave.
I need to leave. My chest is heavy
and my mind is calm. my heart severely broken
the fact of the matter is that you can stuff me with pills
and your lovely biased thoughts
and i'll accept them
but i'm so sick inside, im so sick inside
mommy if you say theres a God,
and that he loves me so
why do I feel like his last cigarette
constantly being put down and burnt away
don't get me wrong, sometimes im happy.
i look up at the stars and i know that this is how im suppose to feel.
here it comes. here it comes. here it comes. here it comes. here it comes.
it's all going to be okay, have faith little one have faith
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
10:12 AM
from my friend ilani
why do i contain myself?
why don't i listen to myself?
i know who i am
i know who is Me
but
i'm trapped in this person i don't want to be
i suppress and i go around and escape i don't know i know it's not good for me but what am i so scared of i need control
escape escape and run and i don't confront, ironically, death isn't the option for me
i need out i need out i dont think i can wait that long i need the fresh air i need away from this suppression my parents they're not bad but i've not grown i'm not growing i feel me deteriorating inside of me the potential fading away as every day goes by i hate my life and i hate this failing heart that keeps me breathing
it's limitations limitations boundaries
you cant do this ilani you have to come home this late ilani
when people tell you its worse than it is you start believing them i've been told my whole life i was sheltered i acted like i was sheltered i'm not i'm fucking not
show the world who you are how the FUCK do i do that how am i gonig to make my voice heard who is going to hear?
waht i'm trying tos ay is LOOK AT ME but no one can see me when i'm trying to keep myself back but i've become comfortable in this shit position and i'm not moving i don't know how to
patience patience patience is not a virtue for me i dont have it i've never had it
i get so FUCKING irritated
when people get out of the car
or the 20 seconds when i get out of the car and into my house
i want to go insane, i seriously want to hurt someone
it's all me me me me me
i'm not worried about anyone else
it's me
and that kills me that i care so much about
the person i take care of less
this all this shit i dont care to deal with because i pass it off as hormonal oh i ll get over it in time it keeps coming bakc i dont know how to handle it
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/22/10
7:31 PM
"There are worse things you can do to the people you love than kill them. The regular way is just to watch the world do it. Just read the Newspapers."
thanks allen
"why do you value life so much"
the people you make relationships with through out your life, that have changed you for the better or worst. thats why i value life"- omar toubat
"life is worth living if you haven't experienced those supremely happy moments because those moments are the moment you should be living for to experience. the way i see it is why die young when you can die happy."-zarina leviste
"i dont know, i just like being around people and having fun"- james humble
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/20/10
6:31 PM
i cant fucking do this anymore, when is it my turn
WHEN IS IT MY TURN
I CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE
When do i get to feel normal
WHEN DO I GET TO FEEL NORMAL
I just want to get a knife and spin it around
make some pretty markings on my skin
then slide it across my neck then stab it into
my non existent heart and wave to the world
and throw up my middle finger and say goodbye
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/18/10
9:09 PM
Don't bend, don't bleed, don't beg, don't scream,
don't whine, don't fight, don't tell me. don't
tell me, don't tell me.
Don't feel, don't tear, don't kiss, don't care,
don't touch, don't want me. don't want me, don't want me.
Something's so sick about this, my misery's so
addictive. I'm halfway there watching Northshore
from the floor singing to you over my shoulder.
Don't run, don't hide, don't hurt, don't lie,
don't breathe, don't try, don't find me. don't
find me, don't find me. don't cringe, don't
clench, don't look, don't flinch, don't know,
don't go, don't leave me. don't leave me, don't leave me.
Something's so sick about this, my misery's so
addictive. I'm halfway there watching Northshore
from the floor singing to you over my sholder.
Don't sing, don't talk, don't yell, don't laugh,
don't think, don't speak, don't save me. don't
save me, don't save me. don't stare, don't glare,
don't heal, don't mend, don't take, don't send,
don't love me. don't love me, don't love me.
Something's so sick about this, my misery's so
addictive. I'm halfway there watching Northshore
from the floor singing to you over my sholder.
Something's so sick about this, my misery's so
addictive. I'm halfway there watching Northshore
from the floor singing to you over my sholder.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/14/10
3:55 PM
No apologies for the lack of posts, especially to the trolls that are set to bring me down
as of right now, i am fueled by self medication and caffeine
my hands shaking uncontrollably, i feel like a crack baby
desperately trying to get my shit done for art college
and even more desperately, trying to make my parents proud
my brain working it's self to a complete overload
oh i'm going to sleep well tonight.
This is all very new to me,
talking, not flirting or seducing, just talking
he, is a blank canvas. untouched, pure as a a brides wedding gown.
so here i am, second guessing and over analyzing whenever he doesn't text back within the hour
questioning why and how i've become so straight forward
and debating whether i should bring it down a notch
is this change for the better or worse, something i won't know till it's over
It's freezing in starbucks,
and im enjoying it, making me concentrate MAKING ME CONCENTRATE
i need to calm down and finish everything. I hope RISD will make an exception for being a day late
I mean, the postal service is closed! i should have thought this through
oh crystal, oh crystal.
oh yeah, happy chinese new year and singles awareness day
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/9/10
8:28 AM
do you hear that?
petty petty whispers from petty petty mouths
about petty/pretty people
and their pretty petty lives
sunk in teeth and blood in their eyes
and i write
"it's not a matter of when you grow up
but if you grow up."
and until you do,
let's
get caught up -
get caught by
this whirlwind of words
your hands are as bad the mouth that made these gilded coins you swim in, these gilded coins you trade, laced with poison and dipped in wine and now, it's time. you talk shit and about shit, around shit and to make shit. oh, little do you know, little do you know that at that moment, you're just a piece of shit.
you're so loud the roaches can hear,
shut the fuck up.
i "keep it on the downlow" but you, you listen to your own advice. everything is a headline and bolded in gray. now i can see why tv dramas reign. i mean, you are what you've been for the past 10 years. you're only as good as the secrets you know.
VICARIOUS LIVING: starts in high school and continues to college, onto the tv and for the rest of your life.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/8/10
5:15 PM
"After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter"
All this time, i always thought that i've given up
constantly knocked down by what seems to be an endless stream of misfortune
giving my life a time limit, and preparing myself for the worst everyday
but now, i see that im a fighter, i dont mean to be cheesy, but iv'e made it trough alot
it might be petty to some, but just the pure fact that i can smile, even if it's fake
is saying alot to me personally. For the longest time i thought i was weak and that i
couldn't take what people threw at me. I thought this cold and protective exterior
were just the scars people have left on me, but now, i see that its a trophy case of what
i survived through. I'm still in this race, and death will be my finish line. I know this doesn't make sense to the few readers i have, but this is me finally giving myself the credit i think i deserve. I am not weak. Broken? sure, But I'm accumulating new trophies to make me tougher.
I'm here to talk. so please don't make random shit up and start rumors. I'm nice, i swear, i'm brutally honest, so please just talk to me instead of conjuring up stories you wished i took part in.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/7/10
11:09 PM
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/4/10
6:29 PM
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
I've lost my mind
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/3/10
8:53 PM
this month will make me or break me
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/2/10
8:56 PM
i will finish you RISD home tests, even if it fucking kills me... not like that would be a bad thing.....
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
2/1/10
10:52 PM
i just want to find someone that's so comfortable with me that they're willing to screw on my septum ball onto my ring, is that so much to ask?
i guess it is.
