struggle
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 2/23/10 10:12 AM
from my friend ilani
why do i contain myself?
why don't i listen to myself?
i know who i am
i know who is Me
but
i'm trapped in this person i don't want to be
i suppress and i go around and escape i don't know i know it's not good for me but what am i so scared of i need control
escape escape and run and i don't confront, ironically, death isn't the option for me
i need out i need out i dont think i can wait that long i need the fresh air i need away from this suppression my parents they're not bad but i've not grown i'm not growing i feel me deteriorating inside of me the potential fading away as every day goes by i hate my life and i hate this failing heart that keeps me breathing
it's limitations limitations boundaries
you cant do this ilani you have to come home this late ilani
when people tell you its worse than it is you start believing them i've been told my whole life i was sheltered i acted like i was sheltered i'm not i'm fucking not
show the world who you are how the FUCK do i do that how am i gonig to make my voice heard who is going to hear?
waht i'm trying tos ay is LOOK AT ME but no one can see me when i'm trying to keep myself back but i've become comfortable in this shit position and i'm not moving i don't know how to
patience patience patience is not a virtue for me i dont have it i've never had it
i get so FUCKING irritated
when people get out of the car
or the 20 seconds when i get out of the car and into my house
i want to go insane, i seriously want to hurt someone
it's all me me me me me
i'm not worried about anyone else
it's me
and that kills me that i care so much about
the person i take care of less
this all this shit i dont care to deal with because i pass it off as hormonal oh i ll get over it in time it keeps coming bakc i dont know how to handle it
why don't i listen to myself?
i know who i am
i know who is Me
but
i'm trapped in this person i don't want to be
i suppress and i go around and escape i don't know i know it's not good for me but what am i so scared of i need control
escape escape and run and i don't confront, ironically, death isn't the option for me
i need out i need out i dont think i can wait that long i need the fresh air i need away from this suppression my parents they're not bad but i've not grown i'm not growing i feel me deteriorating inside of me the potential fading away as every day goes by i hate my life and i hate this failing heart that keeps me breathing
it's limitations limitations boundaries
you cant do this ilani you have to come home this late ilani
when people tell you its worse than it is you start believing them i've been told my whole life i was sheltered i acted like i was sheltered i'm not i'm fucking not
show the world who you are how the FUCK do i do that how am i gonig to make my voice heard who is going to hear?
waht i'm trying tos ay is LOOK AT ME but no one can see me when i'm trying to keep myself back but i've become comfortable in this shit position and i'm not moving i don't know how to
patience patience patience is not a virtue for me i dont have it i've never had it
i get so FUCKING irritated
when people get out of the car
or the 20 seconds when i get out of the car and into my house
i want to go insane, i seriously want to hurt someone
it's all me me me me me
i'm not worried about anyone else
it's me
and that kills me that i care so much about
the person i take care of less
this all this shit i dont care to deal with because i pass it off as hormonal oh i ll get over it in time it keeps coming bakc i dont know how to handle it
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