Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/7/09
6:30 PM
It's cold and raining. I despise the rain.
After school i entered my home and began to strip down until my bra.
i ran upstairs in hopes of finding some warm clothe. it was quite liberating.
After finding shelter in my warm DRY clothing, i got my laptop and sat right infront of my heater
and did useless things, after that i cuddled up in my blanket and slept. bliss.
I had, for the first time in a long ass time, a wonderful dream. It was just right.
I then woke up in a happy state, but then i realized that the dream was not real
that realization was so dreadful that my heart felt like it literally broke.
dreadful dreadful dreadful. then i proceeded to eat dinner, with a feeling of wanting to puke,
dreading my birthday of course, I need to remember to not expect anything but each year
i stupidly hope for the best, so this year. i will stand by my word and not expect anything.
but, i why do i still feel like pukeing?
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/6/09
7:16 PM
Dear _____,
First and for most i want to apologize. You were a great friend, probably better than i could possibly ever ask for. You were funny, vivacious and complicated. You were everything i wanted to be. You were perfect in your insecurities, and i was so jealous. So whenever i had the chance, i would bring you down, in hopes that you would be as miserable as i was. Yet, you tolerated my shit for such a long time, you listened when i needed to be listened to, you talked to me when i needed to be talked to. You kept me in check. I wish i could explain to you why i was so mean at the last part of our friendship, but that would just be making up excuses. In no way can my actions be justified, so asking for your forgiveness is such a long shot. In my days of therapy i had to reopen old wounds and find out how and why i had ended up in that pathetic state, and quite honestly i resented you for not understanding, when you said we would be friends forever. But now i understand that a person can only tolerate so much, before they have to put themselves before anyone. as years went on, i still resented you and your whole group, but now i'm learning. It was good being able to talk to you this year, and i hope that everything works out for you, because you deserve it. im sorry, and thank you for everything.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
12:47 AM
I need to stop smoking, but how will i deal with drunken people?or anything for that matter.
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/5/09
3:22 PM
To jump into the water head first/ testing the waters with your toes
last night consisted of taking care of drunk friends and going to a part that was a bust, i think my hair is permanetly going to smell like stoges, but i don't mind. reminds me of comfort. i didn't find the party and crazy friends nerve wracking or dangerous, but the texts i was recieveing, it felt like i was being tested the whole time. I refuse to be the rebound girl. i'm tired from the RVCA sale today, not much there, hopefully obey will be better. I only have 80 bucks left from the 200 that i had, bleh
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/2/09
7:37 PM
i know you feel it too, it feels too untrue.
I don't know what's wrong with my mother lately. She seems more moody than usual, i honestly think that the women in my family are all messed up. Both physically and mentally. We are very emotionally unstable. We're like ticking time bombs ready to explode without a seconds warning.
tick tock tick tock.
i am at the hub cafe right now and i am drinking tea, listening to music, waiting for it to be 8 50 ish so i can go home. I woke up too late to go to fine arts, so i told my mother that i was going to graphic arts, but i don't want to, so i wont. I'm not going to be sleeping tonight, and i forgot my sketchbook at art so i don't know what i'm going to do. Sleeping at night is so hard, and not to mention really really boring. I hate wasting the night life that i love so much, but theres not much to do in the suburbs at 2 in the morning, so i geuss i'll have to deal until college rolls around. just counting down the days!
RVCA shopping this saturday, can not wait hehe :)
i need to start working out frewuently, or smoke more, i dont know
stream of concious adfsldfjlsfasnadcanln
Posted by
ScarletLovesRufio
,
12/1/09
9:24 PM
it's suppose to remind you of a gloomy day, looking at a telephone wire.
after breaking down and crying , something i haven't done in a long time, to cheryl at starbucks i felt better. i managed to draw something that wasn't totally shit, just to find out that it's too small, just fantastic. there's no point in finishing it now. and i talked to an old friend. nice to catch up. hope things go better for you
