2009 nine, you have almost defeated me.
Posted by ScarletLovesRufio , 12/22/09 10:59 PM
I want to take the time to tell the few people i care about, how much they mean to me. so here it goes, forgive my crappy writing skills.
Kathleen Tung- I FUCKING LOVE YOU. I can honestly say that you're my best friend, and it scares me a lot to know that one person has that much of my heart. We've becoming so close, and i find that so weird, because we are so different. You are hands down the most happiest person i know, and i don't know how you do it. You burst into people's lives with so much love and you don't expect them to love you back,you love selflessy and i love that about you. I'm dependent on you like i am on sun and air, I don't think about needing it every second, but i need it, and when i do think about it, i appreciate it so much. I've depended on too many people like a drug, always thinking about them, needing them and when they left, they killed apart of me, but with you, your probably my only healthy friendship. I'm going to be honest, I don't tell you everything that I'm going through because I don't ever want to see you sad. I have too many fucked up things in my mind that if i told you them I know that you would be sad, and that's just wrong. I have no doubt in my mind that you would understand, because you are pragmatic, but that's not the point. I refuse to see you sad over something as stupid as me. You are the reasoning in my head, you are the one that helps me figure things out, and when i'm with you i forget about my thoughts, and that means the world to me. I'll admit I'm afraid of what the future holds for us, but i know that even if we lose contact that the day we see each other again, it's going to be like we never left :). I love every moment we have together, I love that you understand me through my laughing and shreking when others find it absurd, I love how you get me so well. I'd give my life for you (not that it's worth alot LOL) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SLUTTTT ;)
Ilani Umel- Honestly, never in a million years, did i think that we would get this close in the course of the year. Going out after dark and just talking has helped me figure out alot. BREAKFAST CLUB 4EVA NIGGA. haha. It's amazing how much we've been through, broken hearts, car accidents, and so much other crap, but that's what made us closer. I love that you understand that it's hard for me to relate, and you just let me be and talk and sort things out, but i honestly love listening to you talk about your problems, because you provide me distractions and somewhat make me feel like i'm needed, in a sense. i have no doubt in my mind that you're going to be an inspiration to the world.
Eric Sung- Holy shit. You've made me laugh so many times and reminded me that i can laugh. Being the Koreans that we are, were pretty bad at expressing our emotions, but being that were both korean i think we understand that we have a mutal love for each other. I know you don't understand most of the things in my head, because you believe what you believe but i'm glad that you're tolerant of my beliefs. I think its so funny how aggressive you are towards my happiness, but i know that's how you show that you care. I truly appreciate how much you want me to be happy.
Brother- Yesterday was epic. Thank you so much for understanding. You are the one person i trust with all the scary thoughts in my head, and you understand. I love that we both grew up in the same fucked up family that we have a bond we have to share, whether we want it or not. when you're home, i get a sense of peace because you seem to know all the answers and you keep me sane. You are the stability in my life. from the bottom of my heart, i want to tell you how much i appreciate how much you care about me. You are the one person that has come through for me without even knowing it.Thank you for being there when i was drugged out and having a horrible trip. Thank you for not letting me kill myself yesterday, because if it wasn't for you, i would have done it. Thank you for letting me lay in your bed while you talked, thank you for distracting me with movies, even when you were exhausted. Thank you for bringing me food, because i was too tired to even get out of your bed. Thank you for being there when i was at my breaking point. Yesterday was so hard, because i wanted nothing more than to just die but you didn't let me give up. At first i regretted telling you because you didn't let me die, i still don't quite know why you didn't let me die, but i know it's good for me (obviously). If anything, i'm living to try out the road to recovery, but in my honesty opinion, i think it's too late for me. But i'm going to try one last time, for you and me both.
i'm tired. so i'll finish later, maybe not.
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